a pEeP at F3rNy's Lif3

last blog

2005-01-18T22:21:00.000+08:00

hmm...last time i'm blogging here...i'm closing it...

no thoughts now....wanna go study for tomorrow DBMS quiz liaoz...

ciaoz...

Perceptions

2005-01-13T20:50:00.000+08:00

think abt this quote pple out there..."...simplicity over complexity..."
what do u feel abt it...... and i mean, really think abt it......
taught me some stuff from it...

it's really great to spend time alone, thinking abt things which u have never known abt it.
There's time for everything under the heaven; time to spend time with ur friends/family....and a moment to be alone....
i believed God gave us corners to spend time alone, to think through the purpose of life, or to find ur purpose.

i asked a friend b4, what's his purpose of life?....he told me, he wanted to win "Entrepreneur of the Year" award..... i though of it for a moment, that's not a purpose to me. It's more like a goal, or a dream. That's something u work for it....Purpose in life to me has no worldly value to it, which means no $$ value.
enough of this topic today.....

let's switch to something else.......

thinking to get back to my small business bah, cause need to save up some money. Just in case something happens to the family. Detailed stuff i don't want to mention here bah.

and, what u see is oftenly not the truth. The truth behind it is kept unknown and everyone starts speculating on it. If u get to know the truth, i bet u would regret what u have been speculating......

Simplicity

2005-01-11T13:51:00.000+08:00

yesterday had meetings for F.O stuff....reached home weary and have lots of things undone...
never felt so busy in poly before....

and some thoughts again....
simplicity in life ......nth beats that....just do ur part and don't go around gossiping....
don't get the point why pple like to gossip so much?i wonder if they ever feel guilty of sowing discords between pple?...........

nevermind...i will just leave it here until now.....

2005-01-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

woke up at 6am to help out at the store...until around 1130am when the store closed....fell asleep on my bed....quite tiring altough it wasn't long hrs...

went down to J8...walk walk...buy presents for my friend's bday....met the rest at bugis....hehe....
basically, just slacked around lor....

and everyone seems to be pointing their fingers at my gd friend that he had done something sinful with his girlfriend...but the question is....have all of u seen it with urself?
he's a person with a great faith in Christianity, so i doubt he would ever do that....and with the fact that i know him for years, i know him better than anyone of u....

it's great to be whoever i wanted to be....and freedom of speech~~

tomorrow will be a better day...3 pT shOot-oUt...^^

quite some stuff to share...

2005-01-08T01:40:00.000+08:00

hmmm....today is friday~~ hands itchy so went bballing....haiz...like newbie like dat....airballS~~what to do...think my weights affected my strength bah....just shoot abit can go to the other side of the court...sianz....nevermind! i wun't give up so easily de mah...so continue to get back my feel....at least got back abit while playing 4 on 4.....~~!!!
2 months never play le so really rusty....will go down to PPCC go train bah....

and hor....i don't like anyone now la... u all don't be so sensitive ....send a gal home means i interested in her meh!~siao ar.....especially ALVIN & TANGHOE.....crap sia.....haha.....
single not gd meh...at least i can do whatever i feel like doing...great not to have an extra burden deep in my heart.... cheerios for all singles and Not Looking~!!

another thing....i have only like a person in my whole life. Ignore whatever crushes i ever had....
enjoying one's company and having feelings for her is 2 different matters!....and this person is not someone i met from poly...k? must give credits to kristy to this la.....made me realised so many stuff....and i grown alot from it....plus i learned LOOKS are DECEIVING....

friends....i think sec sch friends are the best friends u would ever encounter in ur whole life...perhaps for me...it's my primary and sec sch friends...since i know most of them for like 10+++ yrs le....still keeping in touch....that's a gd thing...and everyone seems to be doing well...happy for u guys~~!!!!....

heard this from one of my classmate....."friends are not equal to classmates"....and i think this person is correct bah....not all classmates will become ur friend.....and i'm sick of all those backstabbing stuff.....hell with u pple who goes around backstabbing pple.... aMeN~~

praise the loRd~~~

bAck

2005-01-05T01:21:00.000+08:00

long time since i blogged...

recapped what happened these days....

new year?helped out at this event at Jurong East, which is for old folks to enjoy....but i guess all of us enjoyed too?yeah?....at least i did......what disappoint me is the nature of singaporeans...really make me feel disgusted....like fighting over a seat with a old lady...kaoz...
b4 that...i went to suntec to buy movie tickets for our show " meet the fockers"....screening time was at 2am....very funny show...IMO, it's better den Kungfu Hustle. Something new.

this is for a close friend of mine.A brother.
If u choose to follow what's everyone is doing, then what are u enjoying?
be who u really are...u don't have to care how pple look at u. Cause u know urself best.

If money can buy happiness, then how long can ur money last to buy happiness?
Money isn't important, at least to me. What's important to me is u, and the whole grp....and all my friends out there.....
Happiness can be cheap, and depends how u gain it........

//give and take, that's what friendship is abt//

bballz...

2004-12-27T23:24:00.000+08:00

recapped few days back....

christmas's eve....went to watch Kungfu hustle with cscc pple...me , pauline, nick, yuhong...etc....quite funny show....
and after that met up with jerome to go Geylang to meet up with sec sc friends...b4 that we went to buy presents~~~we had a small christmas prezzies exchange...nth expensive...just something small and cheap for each other...we ate beef hor fun, frog porridge and dou jiang you tiao.....yummY....
den they go pasir ris stay overnight..but i didn't go....no mood....

dat's abt it bah...

den today.... played bball....after nearly 2 months of break....kinda rusty...
hmm....not feeling too gd lately....just wanna find someone to tok to bah....
now going to look for a kind soul le.....

^^

a day to recuperate

2004-12-19T21:15:00.000+08:00

hmm.....today....rest all i wanted, but i didn't sleep like 12 hrs la...slept like 8 hrs lor....from 2am to 10am like dat...
then go change water for my dear fishy....finished with them around mid afternoon bah...
really broke le lor....spent another $100 on fishes....haiz....

then sat went to St Theresa Home....thought i was late, so rushed down to the home instead to the SP....in the end, i was early la...cause the rest haven't reach....
I was in charge of the food and distribution, i must say we have done a gd job la....overall, everyone has done their part lo....something to improve is communication.....just sit there and listen to what they have to say...just be a gd listener or a gd companion to them.I guess they didn't expect us to be a gd speaker instead....

hmm...then after that went back to club...waited for rachael to go Bugis...(me,edric,sharon,pauline,jason,hanqin,xiangwei,rachael,selina,daryl,zhicheng....)
ate wanton mee which was recommended by Hanqin...not bad....and went to paradiz to play pool for awhile....quite fun la....got fun company mah....

and sch 's going to the second week le, cannot play like last term le.....to all my friends out there....gambette ~~jiAyOu~~ buck up or keep it up~~

cheers,

cScC~~ >.<

2004-12-18T01:53:00.000+08:00

hehe....been going down to clubs everyday since sch started.....

it's fun going down there and chat around....and getting to know others better...

let me recap....wednesday....sent Geraldine home back to Bishan....den we chatted from 6 plus to almost 10....hehe....don't know why...time passed so fast....thx for listening to me!~

and....yesterday....is probably the most embarassing moment in my life lor...
wah lau....i was sending Kris home back to Yishun then met those 5 Cscc Fellows...--->Sharon,Edric,Daryl,Yuhong,Xiangming...
so the first thing that came to their minds was.....we were dating...dottyz right?

haha....then kanna "suan"ed until don't know where to hide my face ar...
nevermind.....now the news leaked out le....so next week not going down to club liao...
sure suan like nobody's business de...
wah lau...send a friend home only mah.....small matter only.... ^^....

k la....end here le....tomorrow still need to go old folk's home....

things going thru my mind...

2004-12-13T21:47:00.000+08:00

i don't like to joke around with relationships. Like going around "threathening" others that u are not his friend in a joking manner or like a bf joking around to break up with his gf...

i don't know why i think this way either, perhaps it's the way i'm brought up to be.

I hate to see others taking pple for granted. Give and take, u can't always be the one taking....
and i have a name. I'm not "ehhh....get me this and that.."....i'm not ur servant, i don't have to do these things for u. I treat u as a friend and dat's why i'm helping u.
And i'm not a punching bag for others to release their anger on......i'm warm blooded, i have feelings too, ok? Go and find something to vent ur anger on if u have to, and not on anyone.

Am i just thinking so much?......i treat everyone with sincerity to befriend them, and i give others the respect they need. How abt giving the respect i need in return?......everyone gets the same treatment from me as a friend, unless u have broken my trust in U.Be it a guy or a gal.

Horoscope is pretty accurate i must say....cancerian is the most emotional and it's weakest link lies in relationships.And money do not matter to him(very true).....

enough of talking tonight.....i just want to have clear my mind off these thoughts..

2nd Semester

2004-12-13T21:38:00.000+08:00

first day of 2nd semester.........looking forward to this day for a long time.....i missed my friends~!!~

woke up pretty early today....around 6am...den helped out at the store until time's almost up for me to go and prepare for school....
Then on the train, i accidentally pressed the "v" clip on my fone, which was a sound clip of a boy saying %^%&^%#......wah lau....made me so paiseh lor....i deleted the clip straight-away lor....
well....what a comical way to start off a new day!hmm....lessons nth much , just modules overview.....
khim hong.....it's just dat lots of memories came flashing back when u said that phrase....i know u didn't mean it....but someone said exactly that phrase to me with a much different tone....

den went down to clubhouse......wanted to slack there one....but in the end, played badminton instead......hehe.....had a gd time playing with Meifang!!...thx ar Meifang!~~...

after meeting rushed back to home...but it didn't make a difference. My grandparents had already finished their dinner.....

on my way home...i was like having a ice breaking session with Geraldine. We always meet in clubhouse, but we don't really know each other lor. So....got to know her better la.....a new friend found !.....geezh....at last i found someone with the same opinion of boy's and gal's sch......hehe...

Sat recap

2004-12-13T21:30:00.000+08:00

didn't go for bball today....Jianrong called me up and told me to replace him for C.I as he couldn't make it....and i gladly helped him...

the event was pretty fun...and i got to know quite a no of pple from other clubs.....^^

basketball...i'm trying very hard not to touch it again....but images of bball always appear in my mind..............

the bball i want to play is the one which let me relax and relieve stress, not something which i gets even more frustrated after playing......and i do not want to be a burden to u guys, Alvin.
U see, i don't play often as before and my skills are getting rusty day by day. Everything other teams challenge us, and when we lose, i always put the fault on myself. Yes, it's just a game.
But, i seemed to be the one pulling u guys back...........
let me have a rest from basketball for the time being.....

2004-12-08T16:37:00.000+08:00

this few days.........

bought quite some stuff..... 1 pair of shoes...+3 new shirts......new specs(again)....

and lots of things going through my head.....and it's increasing ....
so i'm trying to keep my mind off all these thoughts by working everyday....
but...it don't seem to work.....

and....sold some fishes....recieved around $120.....not alot this time round....

everyone seems to treat as if life's very easy.....when it's not....
everyone wants the easy way out ............without working for it?
everyone wants to win...then who's going to lose?
everyone is taking the rest for granted....i'm not here to listen to ur orders...i can simply ignore ur requests....

.....i'm not trying to be different......but is it a crime to be different?
i don't like to follow in other footsteps...i want to create my own path.....
the way i want my life to be..........

2004-12-08T16:23:00.000+08:00

this world is so cold....besides home where i could feel the warmth.......

hmm..."superficial" is the word which best describes i want to say.
"superficial" ....from all the pple u know...
ask u for help?u gladly help them...

u need help?...everyone pushes it around....

or someone to talk to?everyone's "busy".....

if everyone's not sincere in what they are doing, then what's the point for doing it?
and why do pple act as if they know so much abt u when they don't even understand u?

perhaps i haven't meet the correct person.........

i don't want to feel this way too, and neither will i do things that i'm not willing to do so.

*sincerity in whatever i do*

period of growth

2004-12-08T16:20:00.000+08:00

hmm....little ferny has grown up again....

what in his mind is abt his future and nth else...................fun?not anymore...

how abt relationships?a big NO NO......

just wanna make it big next time.......

life don't always work out the way u want, and i finally felt what this sentence that was told to me a long time ago..........

2004-11-29T22:03:00.000+08:00

den today...woke up at 6am plus....helped at the store till 1030am... played weights for an hr plus....then i got ready to set off to go to clementi....Went to c328 Polyart and got some fish medicine for my elder brother....den went to sch....
The meeting started off with a briefing abt what's the event to the orphanage is abt, then we went into ice breaking games....then ended off with a forfeit to Jason(^^)......
Played bball with CSCC pple for awhile, then they wanted to go Partyworld....but too tired liao...so i didn't go...

something sad la....CSCC is a very fun place to be at ....but dun know why pple are having conflicts with each other.....haiz....make me depressed only....

2004-11-29T21:56:00.000+08:00

hmmm....recap on what i have done on yesterday(sunday)....

woke up late for the meeting time for the event which was supposedly 1130am at Newton Mrt Station. Well, i didn't want things to work out this way too ok.....but the day b4 got a call from CSCC pple dat the meeting was pushed to a later time....and after the call at 130am...i couldn't get back to sleep...so in the end slept at 4 plus....haiz....
nevermind...then i was rushing to meet THEM at Newton Mrt station by 1pm....in the midst of rushing i broke some glass....%^%#^%#^#....and i went there by cab when i could go there by bus.....and in the end, they left w/o me to SMU liao.... i was like so pek chek and someone commented that i was "gek kiang"....wth lor...this is not the first time i'm going to SMU lor. as if i dun know my way, if i don't know, i will ask those pple at SMU de la.......
Reached there still have to see "bie ren lian se".....kaoz.....then nth much worth for me to tok abt le lor.....

everything ended then we went to Newton Food Centre to makan....nth nice there...and the price is abit higher den outside.....after that, Ziqing and Daryl came over to chat until 11pm plus....had a gd time chatting with 2 of them.....Dun know why , CSCC pple are all very nice ....

2004-11-25T01:07:00.000+08:00

thx to someone lar....make me think of so many things tonight...

this sensitive issue always make me unable to sleep one....

haiz...now thinking of what happened to me and melissa la..........

always make me ended up with tears.....

who's the one dat's for me to love....

2004-11-24T23:41:00.000+08:00

suddenly remember somthing la...my mum told me not very long time ago....asked me to get a GF asap la....i dunno why she said dat...maybe she thinks i'm gay?...lol...

CSCC LTC

2004-11-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

went for CSCC Leadership Training Camp few days back. I shall start with how the overall camp fare.Hmm...the tone was not set properly la.Sometimes serious, sometimes playing....so...sort of hard for campers to get used to it la. Like kanna scolding for 1 minute, the next minute start to play with u...and etc...

First day....nth much....played some games....basically, an ice-breaking day.
My grp came up with a name of "SK-II" , cause our GP was "QIQI" la...so we ended up with SK-II.Personally, I find the name pretty cute la...
Did some cheers, played Matrix,Blind mice and Freshido. Then...we got sort of dirty when we played Freshido...got bombed with flour and eggs la...and ate "unknown" food like wasabi with longan...lol. Then i ate this pc of longan which was chewed by someone else!!yuckie hor?but...no choice, my grp de ma...
Overall...quite fun lor....and bathing in the early morning sucks!so cold!!

Second day....nth much la, station games and etc........ then supposed to create a game and present to the seniors la....and ended up we did pretty well la....cheerios! and slept pretty early....

third day....main activity was night walk .....b4 the walk, they forced us to watch ghost show la....then actually i not scare one...but the gals screamed and some cried la...in the end, make me abit scare also...haha...This time night walk is not as fun as the previous FO camp's...perhaps the seniors lack of man power la...

fourth day...break camp lor....had "Camper's MTV" ....and my grp selected "hey mickey" and we came up with some dance steps....pretty amusing la...cause we did it with some errors la.... ^^
However....it's still very enjoyable!.....

What i learnt from this camp is that things or humans do not need perfection. Perfection is what we desire, but not a definite. In the midst of pursuing perfection, it's where we learn and grow up.

sry Iris ar...scold u during the camp during one of the station games la....cause i was tired and frustated la.....Laogong...i know u understand de la.... ^^

nEw bAtTle bOoTs

2004-11-24T22:57:00.000+08:00

hehe...went down to Queensway with Cong today....
finally got a new pair of bball shoes la...$118...wanted to buy a more expensive pair at $150 , but it's sort of "fragile" in it's design. In other words, it's not ergonomics.
Also bought 2 new shirts...hehe...designs quite cute de.... ^^!

Then....got back results...passed all lor....now nothing's gonna bug me la....no love, sch, family, friends problems la.... so relaxed now...

but one thing struck me today while toking to KH on the fone....

"Dun think of what ur friends have done for u, Nor what u have done for them. Just cherish them!"....

coming days gonna work liao...or else no money to ask gals out la(opps!!! did i let the devil in me out?!~).....haha...no la...spent too much money liao...like $600 le.....

was so shocked when i saw her sms la.....did not expect her to sms me ever again....but....she did.

2004-11-23T16:16:00.000+08:00

woke up around 6am....den helped out at the store until 9:15am like dat...then went to Bishan to bball....long time since i played bball le....and i mean it...seems like almost a month...
lucky i still know how to shoot la....at least touch rim lor....LOL.....
then something unhappy happened la.....dun want to talk abt it....
happy thing is that 4SE is making a "AND1 clip" alike la....so....now can only wait for completion...this is only the mixtape...next series is player introduction....^^

btw...i just came back from CSCC LTC la...2 days only....i will write abt what happened during the camp later la...now go take a nap first...*nOoNz*

abt friends(for alvin and Khim Hong)

2004-11-15T01:47:00.000+08:00

hmm....friends?some said friends come and go, some said friends are forever, some said there are no such things as friends....
Look at this.... this world has many types of friends.
Some are very simple, they don't hide or do anything to hurt you.They are just here to befriend u.
On the other hand, there are friends who just keep secrets from you.And they like to backstab others.Sometimes, i wonder what benefits they gain from backtstabbing pple?Because of a gal? A Stupid NCC RANK which happened to me when i was sec 4?or just plainly over jealousy?...
Seriously, i don't regard them as a friend at all, they aren't worth ur time and energy to think abt it.
OR so called friend who use u for an ulterior motive?....hmm....

so many types of friends out there.....
but what are you to others?how do u treat them in the first place?
If ur so called friends are just to help u mark attendance during lectures, or friends who wants ur knowledge on a certain topic.....they don't deserve any respect from U.
Khim Hong....i think u should just ignore these bunch of pple...

hmm...maybe i should say what i have experienced before.
A very close friend with me since Sec 2.....backstabbed me because of a stupid Ncc rank. A rank worths more than a friend?....i seriously don't understand what the hell is he thinking.....
and he goes around destroying pple's relationships between friends....(Idil's case)
haiz....did he change?or i did?

I know a couple of pple who told me, they don't have a single close friend. Reason is because they always take wary of what their friends are doing to them. If u are willing to make a friend, trust them!.... A gd friendship needs trust, not just between a couple.

haha....been talking quite a long story tonight....i better keep things short before u guys fall asleep....^^

another ordinary day...

2004-11-15T01:40:00.000+08:00

hmm...yesterday...nth much...woke up late.....then stayed at home the whole day....
bo pian...really no money....think tuesday not going out with my poly friends liao... paiseh hor!
haiz...need to buy another spec frame for bball one...i broke the old one accidentally...haiz...my mistake la...fell asleep den never take out specs....
and...need to do a major water change for my fishes later in the afternoon la..
*sigh...very sian one*
No money cannot go out, injury cannot play bball, somemore public holiday no work for me...
Double Sian.....and my blog got error la...stupid angelfire disabled my a/c for nth..kaoz...

hmm...back to what i have done....watched hongkong serials the whole day....very enjoyable la...the storyline is definitely very interesting unlike locals shows....even "The Champion" also copied from HK one...hmmm...i still have like 5 more HK serials to watch?haha....so nice....

OrdiNarY dAy

2004-11-14T01:24:00.000+08:00

hmm...woke up and helped my mum till 1pm plus...didn't join my friends for bball today...kinda tired and i'm injured...so dun want to over strain myself.
Didn't go out either, just spent 1 hr or so taking care of my precious fish...haha... quite enjoyable la....ordinary pple dun understand de la.... :P
reason why i dun want to go out was mentioned b4 la...because i'm dun have money!!trying to save back what i spent la...or else when sch reopens, i'm going to go out much often de la...

so...spent the afternoon chionging game with some secondary sch friends la...haha...managed to train to lvl 20 in 2 days...not bad la....it's pretty difficult to train when u dun have gd equipment and ur defence is so lousy.....now...can train easier le...

then...1/2 way taking a break from chionging game, the bballers wanted to organise a steamboat at one of my friend's house....i anything de la...but the our schedule seems to pack....but we managed to settle down with a day la...so not so bad after all...

Just got pissed off by this friend la...well...dun show us ur attitude la, we didn't offend u or mistreat u in anyway. U have high self-esteem and i think it's high time to change it la. Be humble. Don't think u are that great either.
Think how u treated us like a friend la. Suan us all the time? Step on ur friend infront of ur new friends?...and u expect us to be treating u nicely?...hmm.... *rolleyes*

^SlaCkeR^

2004-11-12T23:17:00.000+08:00

hey everyone..

been chionging games till very late at night...and haven't been going out often cause no money to spare....$$ not enough...

and just spent like $400-600?on fish...and my new specs....so need to work to get earn back la...

and i can't get into sleep lately, having lots of funny thoughts lately...hmm....and lots of weird dreams....

dat day go play bball....got injured la....and i dun feel like playing bball....hmm...what's wrong with my mindset.....*???*

and supposedly to write something abt the class la.....so....today i should do it lor...

Class individuals:
Tau Yong aka Tau POK: Very friendly, like to joke around and likes to help pple lor....
One of the key ppl in 1A03.

Khim Hong: Helpful.Joker.Talented. Seems like all gd stuff is with him ....LOL....

Dun keep too much things to urself la, it won't do any gd to u de. Anything can find me or TY tok lor..... there's nth we can't solve together....
(Most outstanding person in 1A03)

Jiayu: My jie la....very cute ger.....always kanna suan...LOL....her reactions very funny la....
OK...dun say bad things abt her....very hardworking de....and she's very feminine.

Yufeng:she thinks i'm "chi-pi"....hmm....^^
hardworking....always do tutorials one.... and she's photogenic....

Huimeing: "shuai-ge" from the class....very gentleman one, treat gers hen hao de....

Barry: wah lau...steady guy la....my soon to be master in ID...hehe.....

dat's all for today la....very tired...*yawnz*

Things to do for holiday

2004-11-06T18:01:00.001+08:00

hmmm...

1)work at my mum's stall
2)Save $1500
3)Sell some fishes online
4)Practise ball control(bball)
5)Get a new pair of bball shoes
6)Shopping
7)Study, be it sch work or unrelated stuff.
8)Get to know my classmates better
9)Start planning for CSCC Sentosa Outing
10)Maintain the standard of my fishes.

haha...looks abit too much stuff to do sia... ^^

latest update!

2004-11-06T17:40:00.000+08:00

haha....it's been 2-3 weeks since i updated le....i have so many things to say.... bleaHx*

first....abt today la....slept at 3am, woke up at 6am to help out at the store....It's ALSO been a long time since i helped out, so kinda "rusty" today. Got some stuff mixed up....lol...lucky my parents never complain much...worked all the way till 940am for them to come, and they were late again.As usual.Not somthing new. haha...
waited for everyone to come den we headed to PPCC...damn suay! Under renovation sia, which means i can't play for the next few days...sianz! So we went to Kallang Bahru to play lor...
We played in at very relax mood lah, i think everyone is sort of tired, so today was like a gathering for pple from JC bah.The amusing part is that everyone was suffering from cramps and etc.LOL...i got cramps thrice at 3 different areas.And Quite happy to know that these pple never change much, just the same old pple i know before.
Later still have a chalet at Downtown East...my Gor's one...don't think i will be staying overnight la, i'm quite exhausted...

hmmm...den for the past few weeks...have been worrying for my exams la.Finally, it's over. And this marks a new beginning for me. I have decided to make a change in my life .What Enoch said to me few months back was very true. If u want to change, u need to change ur mindset.

CSCC 2nd cAmP

2004-10-17T21:58:00.000+08:00

yeah...feeling so good after going for the camp....all these pple seems to be so fun and friendly.
the camp was very fun lor....as fun as the first one...not bad...i should go down the club more often...if u never go for any camps in poly, den u have never experienced one major part of poly life.

i was in the same grp as her la... den i hum the whole camp lor... lol... den my group siao siao one...guys siao like me, den the gals all "mei-nu"s...very pretty de...den all so enthu...not bad...
beside her, still got one more gal in my grp...very pretty de.... name also "kris"...den the grp got 3 "kris"s...lol....
haiz...everytime i see her playing with other guys, i seem so jealous la..not seem...i am indeed jealous...
den the camp got this bball game in the morning, i was playing like shit lor...play until i was like so lousy, den 3 pt shooting also lose...siaNZ! bball ar...you dislike me is it....haiz...
and hor...i think i'm spending like $200-$300 this coming friday lor...got new fish shipment...
all nice nice fishes i like one...some more very rare....must get....

exams coming...work hard boy!

last post

2004-10-06T20:30:00.000+08:00

meet her today at the staircase of FC6 today...so unexpected...
i could feel i'm no longer shy, as my heart is numb already.

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope, I'll be your love be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful 'cos I'm counting on

A new beginning
A reason for living
A deeper meaning

bball com

2004-10-04T21:52:00.000+08:00

could have got into semi's...but it was a very gd experience....
3 games, 1st match win, the rest lost. Both lost by 1 point.
And that was the disturbing part. We were leading, and...we lost in the end.
hmm...lucky our opponents were not that aggressive, at least no fight or something.

if only i score another 3 pt...and...it's a IF...

well...next yr i will join again....

YOU!

2004-10-03T23:24:00.000+08:00

no doubt i'm been having hell lots of problems...all these problems seem so small to others, but they are not an easy feat to overcome.all come from myself, noone can help me besides myself. That's why i'm feeling helpless.problems are ...{love,studies,friends,fishes,family,bball}...

i'm going to say it out today...if i dun say, i'm going crazy...
i don't know if u Kristie is reading my blog, all i have to say, i have fallen for u. I know whatever i have said here, would result a barrier between u and me.

All i have to say is all here today, dunno what gave me courage to do so...i'm not going to blog for a long time, so this might be the last entry of the month.
and hope i perform for tomorrow's match...w/o alvin as center, it would be a tough game.

cheers,
FM

update (week 14)

2004-09-29T01:52:00.000+08:00

as requested by alvin...an update!
hmmm...sat went back to SRJC to play bball lo...den i play like dun know what la..."so-so" only...den...last fullcourt match i was like "godly"...lol...3 pt is really a killer in matches...*nods head*after that...went to eat ...den go home changed den go for appointment...didn't go for the BBQ...cause parents said i look so shagged after playing bball....ooo well...sianz 1/2!
den sunday...whole day at home...spent 1/2 the day changing fish water...hmm, very tiring but very fun lo...at least i get to spend time with my fishes... i'm back to mass-breeding fishes already, who ask me poor...need to earn money...btw...i only managed to change 1/2 of the tanks i have, still need to spend another day changing those tanks on my ground lvl...
Monday...i wanted to tell her how i feel for her la, but i got jacked instead la...because i was about to say, then she said '..gtg..'*dotsdotsdots*
and i'm going to very busy ar...got lot's of presentation, projects due and tests coming...what to do...this is life...

a friday which i never play bball...clap clap

2004-09-24T22:29:00.000+08:00

hehe....went to JP with alvin...go walk walk...den he bought converse new series bball pants...
i wanted to buy la...but $$ not enough....
den we go this royal sporting house...saw this bball top damn nice... "3 point play"...
of course i bought it la....but i found myself pretty dumb la...(read on to find out why)
alvin wanted to buy this top also..."return to sender", but dun have his size..lol

went down with him for dental...den after that we went to queensway walk walk....
he bought that TOP ...and i saw my top on sale $8 cheaper den the price i paid for...(heart pain!)

den saw this Tim Duncan bball shoes damn nice...quite comfortable also...support and cushioning also not bad...
den price very affordable also...$100 plus only... i promise la...will go back and get it...

tomorrow bball in the morning!den evening go for CSCC BBQ! shiok!
haha...i need to destress...dat's all...

Daniel Sim

2004-09-23T23:47:00.000+08:00

bball competition coming le... need to rest well...headaches...cramps... just pray i recover...

today cd i tok abt cherishing pple around you....so i decided...everyday from now i shall name one that's worth cherishing...
today, i shall start with a friend who has been with me for ups and downs of my life...
his name is daniel...we call him POS...well...the reason behind it, was created by alvin...
what makes him so special?he looks ordinary, just like you and me...but...
he's the one whom i talk to when i'm feeling down...
he's the one whom i can talk all my deepest emotions to ...
he's the one whom i can crap whole day with...
he's the one whom i can trust on...
he's the one who listens to my constant nagging and complaints...
he's the one who always give me encouragement and gives me solutions...
he's the one who i know he will be there when i need him...

he gives more then what he takes...and that's what i'm really impressed with..
because i can't do it myself too...

MiLK!

2004-09-20T19:46:00.000+08:00

me and BY were toking abt some stuff on the train....den i started toking abt SL....
well...dun know why she came inside the conversation suddenly...if only the phone call didn't happen dat way...

rushing FOM project ...very tired....no mood to bball...but i will definitely be ready for the competition...
praying hard to let me meet her again... *cheeky me*

why can't my body just grow !!...trying the milk formula now...

nth much...

2004-09-18T22:11:00.000+08:00

yEahz.....alvin can dunk liao...waiting for this day to come....expected one lah!lol... bleahx
and we met adriel today...seems that he's doing well...lol...adriel leh...of course no problem lah!
First in 4SE one ok?!no joke de...hope you enjoy your stay in Singapore for these few weeks..

hmm...nth much today lor...BUt...i met her today...same train,same cabin...very paiseh
when i saw her, dunno how to react ...too unexpected.haiz...still shy... :P

2004-09-15T21:14:00.000+08:00

hmm...today is the flea market....
woke up around 545....den rushed to the mrt station....
the journey was damn boring, until i met hon...
well...had a gd chat with him....amazingly, time passed damn fast...how i wish i could spent more time with this wonderful friend

nevertheless, we collected the goods and proceeded back to sch...
i went for the lessons,(of course lah,i gd boi mah)....and these lessons were very important.

and den...went to c the sales....0 sales!omg...need to do something lor...
so me tzewei, miele went clementi to grab some stuff to sell...all snacks...
went back to the stall....got my brothers to buy things from my stall lor....bears bears and more bears.and snacks...
must really thank them for coming down lor, you guys are great!pple like darren.alvin,milton,zhicong,enoch,daniel...and yongxiang!
haiz...if w/o them, i think the total sales fall to 50% of the total lor...

took photos with those brothers...(milton not inside, sad lah!one day we take again)...got them something also...(gel +wordings)..lol.
went for MM day or something after the stall closed...quite enjoying lah, buti was too tired, dozed off 1/2 way...
went home after dat lor...

i can't believe this man....i did't eat breakfast nor lunch for the whole day.I only had a cup of iced coffee for the whole day!
and i didn't feel hungry or weak at all....until i sat in the cab....went totally flat and weak after dat...
reached home...ate 2 servings of stuff...and still going hungry.... ^^
dat's abt it for today....

and...i know she knows that i like her.This few days i have gave myself away already...she knows for sure...
i'm shy, she's shy.Both shy.i dun know how to start from there...i have tried, but it didn't work out.
cannot rush into this type of thing...just let time decide now...

just hate it...projects and projects...

{i'm back?}

2004-09-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

Sunday-->sold 1 pair of fullred, some japan blue =totals up to $90

Today--> sold 2 trios of fullred=totals up to $100

Past sale last week=$85

Total sales=$90+$100+$85=$275

i think it's a gd start for me lor, long time since i sell fish....

ok...back to myself....my right arm is very weak...dun know why...especially my fingers...
all getting numb whenever i'm trying to use strength...

*praying hard for me to recover...

"...For The Greater Cause..."

2004-09-11T17:45:00.000+08:00

Settling down with a hot cup of tea , and playing the sootheing music piece which i like.
Lots of things running through my head today.
Just came back from bball with Turtle,hole, monk, danny and a long lost friend "horny".
Pretty happy today, since i'm able to see 2 good friends whom i hardly meet ever since JC&Poly days started.
Didn't join the rest to play pool today, cause i felt like playing bball a little while more.
Went back to the court and trained lay-ups and 3pts.hmm...maybe i'm impressed with myself?ha...

As i walk the usual way home, i came upon this road junction.Meanwhile, dun know why, where these thoughts came about
These thoughts told me, "Be decisive, look ahead and face it.Don't run away.No point running.Don't you feel tired all these years trying to escape?"
I don't know what i'm trying to run away from, maybe ever since the day i had to handle greater things , with more responsibilities.
One thing which i learned during my sch days, "For a greater cause"...i find this point very true.Very real.Very realistic.

Maybe this is the reason why i've been feeling so demoralised these years.

Life is not planned for you, you have to carve the path for yourself.
Life is not always a straight path, sometimes a slope,sometimes a curve ,sometimes in circles.

There's always "if"s in our life, we always say that.But do we actually look back and see what went wrong in our decisons?
We always take things for granted. Everyone take their parents for granted.And their friends, siblings, pple who helped you along.
For those who help me along this path called "Life", thank you!

Make up your mind, and continue on with your path.
Don't look back...because it's the PAST.
Don't take things for granted...because it's the PRESENT.
DOn't think about tomorrow...because it's the FUTURE.

words are dangerous

2004-09-09T22:27:00.000+08:00

every word you use, every sentence you say....will affect someone.

never ever imagine dat my gd friend asking me to fuck off as he thinks he has no friends at all....well...he's asking those dat actually cares for him to fuck off...
what an irony....bballers...dun your heart feels the pain?

*....Learn how to cherish b4 you expect someone to do the same to you....*

and...i'v been playing bball for the past 2 days..., my mind is very relaxed, very clear what i'm thinking of....phew, long time since i felt this way.... shiok!

ya....and not to mention her!...she's still on my mind...gagaga...crazy le....

"...question marks..."

2004-09-09T01:15:00.000+08:00

...one of my best friend asked his friends to fuck off when we are the ones who care for him...

life's goes on....

making a comeback?

2004-09-07T23:25:00.000+08:00

hmm...
4 days ago sold Japan Blue pair at $15...
today made a sale today! 2 pairs of Fullred grey at $70...hehe...happy wor...
long time since i make money liao....
so this week got $85 spare cash....few more pple coming to view ithe fishies...
hope i can sell too!~....

whole day at home...changing fish water....spent 1/2 of my day, and...3/4 of my energy.....damn tiring!haiz...climb here climb there, clean here clean there...etc.

arGH~miss the touch of the bball so much...although it's holiday, but i didn't have the chance to play at all....sian 1/2!

and...thinking of her day and night...everyday it's like this...*sob sob*
how i wish i could tell her the truth...

Life's goes on...

updatez

2004-09-07T01:24:00.000+08:00

Imagine you are trying to do something seriously, and gets interrupted by someone…..how would you feel?
Like…when you are doing your homework and here comes someone splashing water all over your body, you feel happy about it? How about something like walking half way and someone comes and pinches your chest for nothing? you like it?
But even for fun or a small joke, I dun think this is appropriate at all. If we were to be joking around, I think it’s ok. But someone comes and piss you off when you are serious, I think he’s hell lotsa troubles.
So next time when you want to joke, please joke at the right time.

Finally, I’m exposed to world where it’s more like the reality. Unlike secondary school life, friends treat you sincerely and helps you when you are really down. Now, when you fall, people kicks you when you are down. And rubs salt to your wounds. Erhmm, these are what you call friends? Obviously not…..
And don’t ever let me catch anyone backstabbing me, cause i just found out someone have been backstabbing me. Trying to find who’s that idiot…wanna say something? Say it to me , be straight-forward and not going around in circles.
And finally, I understand the importance of money in life. No money? no talk..haha..
And something to add on, I really can’t stand guys who aren’t themselves when they are infront of gurls.
So fake..just can’t take it...

Yesterday, went bendy’ s house. Have a good time there, chatting and knowing what’s up with them now.
And after his house, we went to get some music cd’s.... Guess what? Original CD’s at....one quarter of the price! Jay Chou’s Qi Li Xiang , F.I.R, Nan Quan Mama at FIVE DOLLARS ONLY~and they are original!
Woohoo....happy day...hehe...bought Zchen, Sammi, Elva and borrowed F.I.R cd from Jason.
Will go there often... :P

Today...hmmm...thanks Jessica for hearing me out with all my frustations and anger. And Miele who made my day better. Nothing’s better than having friends who would share your problems...
And happy birthday to Jiayu~ Paiseh wor,(must say again although I have explained to you le...)
Best parts of the day was going around Takashimaya eating and going to Bedok Blk 85 to eat.
Hehe...eating makes me happy! Well, it’s very true!As the quote goes... “A hungry man is an Angry man"...

To end off, I’m going to start my small business again. Well, back after 9 months of break, it’s a good time to start all over again as the demand is getting higher. hmm... I can make a comeback!

2004-09-06T02:09:00.000+08:00

what on earth i'm i doing?i almost told her i LIKE HER!!haiz...

"her"

2004-09-04T23:10:00.000+08:00

ArGHH!!!...i saw her today!so happy!!but I didn’t really go up to her and tok..hehe..cause I’m shy mah....

Haiz…trying to hint to her dat I like her...but I guess she didn’t get it..
Hmm...basically, last week passed up WCD and ITOS projects….phew!luckily 2 projects gonE!or else…
My holiday would be hell....and 2 tests over too…dun think I did well…...

Bball…nth much…still so lousy as usual…*shakes head*
didn’t want to join them for bball today, but i went down anyway.
Went there...ended up dun have any mood to play…always injure my right ankle again...last time I took 9 months to recover fully..i dun want to injure it anymore...or else I can’t play bball for a long time…
Need to train up my skills liao…competition coming up soon...

AVP

2004-08-25T22:39:00.000+08:00

hehe....watched AVP with my "bros"....very happy lor...long time since we go out....
the whole time i talked alot of cock.....and guess what....Milton came !woohoo....gd sia...he's back to our gang!

btw...the show ....should be a comedy la...not an action flick......so darn funny lor....
like the alien's head as the shield....the stretcher(SJAB's)....haha...and the "lao XXXX-XXX"....lol...so farni....laughing at the whole show...

if i'm ever dead....

2004-08-24T23:28:00.000+08:00

if i ever die....who would weep for me in this bloody world besides my family ?
my friends?who are my friends?friends are pple whom i can trust in them .....and not some bloody bastards who go around spreading fake rumours abt you, or pple who go around backstabbing you, saying bad news abt you.....hmm....POLY HAVE ALOT OF THIS BASTARDS!
sorry...i'm getting abit vulgar....but this is what's happening......
saying one thing and meaning something else...WTF is their problem...must they act infront of pple....dun you find this tiring....
or imagine this....you know some pple who act totally different when they are infront of gurls(presume they are guys)...totally humiliation to men

i dun know....i just wanna be myself.....the one who presents himself, and not as someone else....

back to the topic.....who would shed a single tear for me?
the bballerS?bendy?yuqiang?4SE pple?......or these poly fuckers?haha...this is such a joke....

lucky...TH played bball with me today..or else my mood is never going to get better today...
although i didn't play well....but at least this cooled me down..

hApPy...got the class jerseys!

2004-08-22T18:03:00.000+08:00

Friday
yeahZ!!collected the class jerseys....and my number is? my fav no...13!!
chalet started on friday....but i need to give out the jerseys to the them on sat morning...so i didn't go on friday.Another reason is dat, i'm very tired.Really need a gd rest.....
and....my mind is full of her & her.....haiz.....what a moron....like her den dun dare to tell her...kAoZ!
Saturday
woke up pretty early in the morning....went down to our old meeting place to play bball and give out jerseys. B4 noon time only got me,ghost,hole and birdie......never play much lor...just shooting and ABC.den ABC....was so stupid lor....reached 3 pt liao den airball...in the end go back to A....siAnZ~not only me....the rest also...haha....joke liao...
played with some teens there..around sec 1 like dat...was like 3 VS 5.Me,hole and ghost...of course we won....11-1,11-0,11-2....haha...the no of balls scored conceded = 5 push ups.
den...4 of went to mac....i was abt to left to go home to change to meet my laopo....but those pple from CLS came!haiz...den promised my laopo dat i will still go and meet her, but at a later time.
ended up playing 4 rounds....
(first round)me, hole and ghost VS monk,cong,duckie,danny---> won
(second round)me,hole,POS,ghost VS monk,cong,duckie,danny---> won
(third round)me, hole, ghost VS danny,monk,teck ching---> won
(fourth round)me, hole, ghost VS cong,duckie, POS--->won
well....guess my mood was very gd today......managed to score 3 pters....geezh, hope i can do the same when it comes to the bball competition.But still there were many mistakes made by me.Ball control needs lot of improvements, shooting needs to be constant, and more observing...

after dat...rushed home, bathed, packed my bag....den rushed down to meet laopo.She accompanied me to buy my slippers...den wanted to bring her eat ice cream, but the resturant too crowded.Ended up, eating at mos burger.....den we tok until i need to go off to chalet.
reached dere....i never eat anything from the bbq...ended up eating 2 Nissan instant noodles dat wasn't filling to me.Not even 1/2 my appetite.Haha...den i sprayed cream of the bday pple...miele, den tze wei...den barry.SONG BO!hehe...den kanna back from barry...backstabbed me and did a wwF stunt on me...LOL...and they suddenly asked to go into the room...i smelled something fishy....i was riGHT!they switched off the lights and whacked me.haha...fUN!
haiz..sad part of the chalet is dat most of the pple left lor....i went to the chalet because of the bday pple lor....if not i ciao liao...or maybe never go also lor....

Sunday
KH came down ot the chalet and bbqed for uS for breakfast!thanks KH!haha...great friend !
den went home....sleep.....eat....woke up and came blogging now....

2004-08-19T00:30:00.000+08:00

有些人不知道活著有什麼意義﹐有些人活了一輩子才知道如何珍惜眼前的東西.

Life's about having dreams and memories....

thoughts again!

2004-08-17T21:35:00.000+08:00

hmm.....saw her again today! after my FOM lecture outside MLT12....she's so cuT3!!haiz...but i shy lo...didn't pick up my courage to tok to her.....haiz.....why i so useless...........

just have this idea again.....i'm going to bring the one to this hotel called "1929".....very romantic sia......then just have a nice dinner somewhere in the city...den go walk walk...after dat go back spend the time together(dun think somewhere else hor@!)..... this hotel got nice atmosphere and design !!

haiz.....dreaming again......when i got guts to tell her.....
hurts so much to hear the truth......depressing....why must every girl dat i like always give me the same results....

hey~never update for these few dayS~

2004-08-17T12:38:00.000+08:00

gEEzh....i have been too tired to blog for the past few days..... ZzZzzz.......
too many things, yet so little amount of time for our things.....things which we have and want to do....

on friday, enoch told me ....in order for me to change....i need to change my mindset....i agree with him....
i find it very ironic, i used to be the one comforting and telling others these.Yet, it's time for others to tell me that. Just hoping someone can give me 1 tight slap....to wake me up......

erhmm....saturday had accounting test...quite screwed up ....... :(

sunday....went to do WCD project ...den go eat ice cream at swenson.....den go c fireworks...den makan...den sent silin home...den reached home around 11pm.....

and got scolding from my Dad this morning b4 i left home.....for going out too often...i know it's abit over the limits....i deserve dat scolding......
something else is bothering me instead....pple in my class are fighting lor....and it's like i get sandwiched between these 2 pple....i dunno know to response lor.....siGHZ*....tell me what to do lah...

2004-08-14T05:00:00.000+08:00

mind is very focused today.....seems that i'm able to keep my mood serious for the day.....
at least, i'm trying to concentrate on my work now, unlike these past weeks which i'm always distracted by someone.........

fuLL of vigor with bball~.....waiting for that day to come so badly....

noone in this world can comment anything on my actions....cause noone has the position to reprimand me.3ven me myself dun give comments....why do strangers bother so much.....

tH3 deCisON

2004-08-12T22:38:00.001+08:00

hmm....guess i'm finally settled down after 5 weeks in poly....(not getting myself entangled in love life), deciding what i actually want for myself.I always ask others, but not really thought it over for myself. What i want is very simple, i hust wanna do whatever i like(w/o the expense of other's happiness), and stay happy.

Friends, family, my fishes, bball are my today priorities now.Love life now, i will not do anything at the moment.and i kinda hate some gers.They just take the guys for granted.We are not born to be ordered around by you, nor born just to entertain you and doing silly stuff which we look like stupid silly morons.Well, i have had enough.All these nonsense shall ceased.Unless it's my close friends and my loved ones, i won't do any other nonsensical thing.This sounds so mean and sensitive, but i just need to set a standard for myself.

I'm getting far too ill disciplined this days, i need to really get myself more organised.....i shall see, as actions speak louder than words.bball....is still my love....nor i will give up things that i like....mY fiShiEs!~and friends...never give up hopes in them....
if tanghoe you are reading this......i didn't give up our friendship nor 4SE.....bRoTH3rS foRevEr~!

Kbox

2004-08-11T22:31:00.000+08:00

hehe...today is celebration for Desmond's bday.....in advance for a day lor....
he treated us to pool at jurong east....but i went to someone's house to buy Moscow Black.....hehe...one of my dream strains.....spent like $65 on 2 pairs lor...heart abit pain....like need to sell 1 pair of Fullred to get it back lor...nevermind, i shall get back to mass breeding for all my strains!~~back for gUppieS!~
ya...den we went to Kbox around 3pm...ended off around 7pm...pretty relaxing la.....the guys played cards with push-ups for forfeits...den poor huimeing lose the big games while on winning streaks for small bets.....now he owns so many pple push ups....LOL.....Den...i was fighting with Zhicheng over the microphone...haha..........
while going home....Miele,me,tau pok,Zhicheng,Barry talked abt planning a chalet next week to celebrate those born in August lor....

sad news is dat my grandma isn't doing well ...she went ofr check up today den the report wasn't gd....something abt her valves near her heart.....God bless my grandma.....

and guess what?~i got into CSCC Welfare Department Organising Committee...hehe....not bad sia...i tok cock during the interview also can get in...haha...

lalala~~wanna go Kbox again la...so fun lor...but abit exp lah....$10++ sia......can only go twice a month lor....more than dat i will be really broke le....

thoughts

2004-08-11T15:15:00.000+08:00

it's me again........having some thoughts right now............
dun really know the reason why i'm thinking all this.....
there's time for everything under the heaven, and there's time to be serious , and time to play.
Like the sch motto, "Up and On", and play like you never play b4, study like you never study b4........Thinking abt myself, i really go wild when i play....and very serious when i'm in the mood, and i dun joke around at all, nor do i laugh abt anything.........perhaps, i'm trained to do so.....

should i be happy or sad?

2004-08-10T04:27:00.000+08:00

lol.....as above....
FOM is the sad case lor...dun want tok abt it la....not i dun know lor...i nervous....couldn't calm my brain down....haiz....why i so useless.....ya lor...why i see her, i dun know what to say....haha....my heart pounds super fast....my mood super gd also lor....haha.....happy....sHe's sO cuTE!

MIA

2004-08-06T11:39:00.000+08:00

geEZh......think i'm not going to update my blog for a few days le....going to MIA..... going to enjoy myself for the next few days....going to pamper myself....shopping fr3nzy,bballing whole day....y3aH~....

ok lah...today quite normal lor...my mood today was quite serious lor....hardly laugh.....cause there wasn't anything funny to let me laugh at...
and...i met this gal in the canteen again!!yesterday was at library...and today canteen.....hehe...so happY...heart beat extremely fast when i saw her....

ok le....i'm going fullspeed for FOM le......

{wArNiNg:the fern is making a cOm3-bAck on the courts....check him ouT, faster,more accurate...and more team-play...definitely more cheerful~~!!}
bball is my world now......nth beats it....

"sian-zified"

2004-08-06T00:13:00.000+08:00

today....came back home very early.....straight after sch with jerome....kinda of the feeling of missing home.Everyday, i just come home to zzZZ...never spend much time with my family....so, kinda regret of doing so....as if my home is a hotel like this~
had dinner with my family except my elder bro, didn't know dat so much things have been happening....and i dun even know abt it.haiz....dat's why my relationships is my greatest weakness....

and todAy, i saw "someone" at the library!!!woAH...my heart was like pounding so fast when i saw her...woohoo!!!so sweet~~~lol...siao already la.... :)

read my friend,jennifer's blog today....what she said was pretty true.....a little more time is what we need.....
too many committments, too little time.....i guess dat's life.Everyone is experiencing adulthood....in a few yr's time. i bet we would hardly meet each other....
Life has disappoint me so many times, when can it give me hope.....

sAturAted sOUL~

2004-08-03T20:25:00.000+08:00

geesh~~~my mind is full of stuff....think my brain cells are decreasing by alot these days........
and my heart is full of burdens....when can i loosen up myself.....

sry to all my friends/classmates,

guess i'm quite serious these days...so dun really joke around.....sorry if i look abit dao to you pple..........

life's....full of burdens...

crying......bursting in tears as i tok abt friends with bendy....so much things going thur my head.....hurts me so much ....
i'm been giving to other so much...yet recievng so little in return....perhaps...i'm expecting too much.....
from the matter with chris leow...to ncc pple....and now 4se pple....i'm losing faith in friends....
maybe dat's why i can't loosen myself till now.....

many told me there's no forever friends...but to me.....there are....but not alot....
but, count myself lucky to know yuqiang and bendy.....

btw.....chris is not my name.....fangwen is my real name.....chris, is someone who dun exist....

home~~

2004-08-02T00:03:00.000+08:00

hehe....spent the whole day at home...slacking...eating...sleeping....haha.....i feel so gd~~well, i hardly get to do that on normal days.....
well...i just tok to alvin over on MSN....about my relationships problem....it's a triangle thingy....
haiz...too confusing...hope i dun think too much over it la...or else ....i can't concentrate on my sch work.....i'm praying hard not to meet melissa ....hope she wun't appear again....
and...a ger said i have a bad temper....well...dat's very true abt me.....she's the first to say this to me....

jIa you aR f3rNy bOY~..........can someone aN w3i wo?just need to say it all out.....
i'm left with music...to be my listening ears....

-missed SAS(haiz...10 yrs there le...human feelings lor...)
-missed bball days(missed laughters,the gang, the lost "touch" and "satisaction")
-missed lots of pple...(human nature)
-i'm been thinking too much le...need to put a full stop to it(an action)
-love is rewarding, yet painful(my tots)
-looking forward to the day the bball gang gets the jersey, hope to c us unite again one day( a dream...a hope...which i will never give up)
-need to start muGgINg....(discipline)
-need someone by my side(yearning for one)
-need to change specs(need to learn how to c pple properly)
-need to less sensitive, i got jealous over someone in my class.... :P...silly me....(so free until i can think of such stuff)
-need to cherish pple more(regrets)
-maybe i need councelling(confused)
-maybe i need to tell her the truth(p...)
-need to know my friends better(gimmee more time den~~!)
-need to grow more....physically and mentally(everyone is making fun of me...even the gurls... saddening...i dun want to be like this too lor...)
-need to save money(wanna buy my own house by 28)
-need to buy new bag and new shirts(new lookainful)
-maybe i should play bball again(satisfaction)
-maybe i should spend more time with my family(MIA)

+very emotional unstable..just not myself these days....those who knows me well enough should know....i want back my old self....the happy-go-lucky me....the joker ....who takes money and things lightly....the one who regard friends like their brothers....the hyper active me....the one who never say die....the one who puts friends more den his life....the one with many more...too many to say....+

>.< do your best, dun leave regrets in your life....chiong for it....go with your feel -__-
=i know this....but....i'm not doing it....something's pulling me back......=

guess what....i'm abt to cry .....as i'm writing this.....

polY friEnds

2004-07-31T22:32:00.000+08:00

yuPPiee~~~~~......discussed project work for WCD over at my friend's house...then we went to have 6 hrs of pool at ParadIZ.....me,tau pok,gay h and tico cheng......waaha...so much fun and laughter....so crappYY~~
fun lah...crazy.....

gosh....i gotta study FOm topic 1 by today~

dottyz ...

2004-07-31T00:18:00.000+08:00

looked forward to this day, but it wasn't as gd as i expected.....
went out with this 3 classmates lor, supposingly trying to bring me togther with this ger lah....or i should say, know her better.Dun think it was successful bah...well...i guess i was too tired to talk or make a fool out of myself.
1/2 way through the outing, i got mood swing again.Haiz...just so sudden, and uncontrollable.I couldn't figure out the actual reason, but i guess i could be jealous,
or i was thinking abt the 4SE gang.Toking abt 4SE gang, i just ordered the jerseys!guess what?darren told me milton is not getting the jersey anymore cause he has no money.Seriously,i got pretty pissed off by his reason .Come on, it's for our friendship, not for someo strangers.What brothers forever....more like fuckers....

Thinking on the train home after i sent that ger home.....must a gurl and a guy be always be lovers and not friends?i did asked myself this some time ago, but i didn't think much into it....

topics which went thru my head today
-i missed bball~
-i missed 4SE days~
-i missed NCC days~
-the one whom i actually like now
-working hard for my results
-love commitments
-most guys are really &!&$$##!!^%^, what else could they do beside flirting?
-i can't stand gers who think dat they are at a higher class den other gers, and
they are damn chio.
-meaning of friendship.....

got to know myself better again....
i'm totally emotional....and i'm....easily jealous..and...i'm weak in maintaining relationships....but, i'm willing to sacrifice anything for friends/family for the sake of them....i can't understand why money is placed above relationships in many pple now....*sighz...the world is getting dimmer...

ask myself again .....am i the only one still waiting for the grp to come back...?~!!!

haPPI!!

2004-07-29T21:58:00.000+08:00

hehe....today...very happY~~haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!haPpI!!

dun know lah...so high today....out of control...

uPdate

2004-07-26T20:48:00.000+08:00

things aren't going smoothly for me....not really used to poly life yet....maybe i can't get rid of my sec sch habits.....well...at least it's better since the start of poly...
^^...i have some cool classmates to make my day better!!

haiz....haven't really get down to serious studying....wasting lots of time doing unneccessary stuff...
thinking to give up bball for my fish hobby....which i'm not very sure abt this decison...

life..has ups and downs, but there are times which we need to give things up....including pple.....why pple?friends come and go....you might be missing him/her, but would they do the same to you?dun know why i'm thinking of such selfish logics....i'm never like this b4...
i once mentioned this to my friend....if i ever died one day, would he weep for me?well...he asked me not to ask such silly questions.....
the actual fact i want to know...how many friends i have will actually do dat?
i remembered how i lost Norwyn during April's Fool last yr...i cried days for him...
i'm still missing his smiles....the great times we had togther...he's a great friend!

and i also dream....playing on the bball court...with my best friends i could ever find thus far as a team, against other pple...showing great teamwork and trust....yet, this day has not come.....maybe i'm pondering upon something which would never happen...or everyone has left this dream,leaving me, the only one behind....

haha....from what i wrote here....i c myself as a emotional person.One who can't let go of things easily...and i tend to live with such burdens....you can say i'm naive too...

..............

2004-07-22T18:24:00.000+08:00

writing this straight after i reached home...............
something i must decide once and for all.....
i think i should leave the grp, and someone told me yesterday, "friends come and go "....which i find it very true.
I can't forget the memories dat the grp had, but i know i must forget this and carry on.
This is becoming a burden to me, not something which encourages me.It's just pulling me back...far too many times....
And, my classmates are pretty cool guys....tot they were just hi bye friends, but their characters are far much better den those in the grps....they give me the feel of respect, and the feeling which i have known them for yrs.....perhaps, i was fated to meet them for a purpose?....perhaps perhaps....life's full of surprises, isn't it?

i have a much different view on pple now....SERIOUSLY, looks dun matter at all to me now......it's the characters....
so pple may look normal or ugly...but they have very gd characters.....and they make gd friends...so dun judge a book by it's cover...
and singaporean gals....most of them are so materialistic...so difficult to find one who really likes you because of your characters , and not your money,looks...etc
still looking for the one..................maybe it's not time yet....

foUnd mYselF bAck~

2004-07-15T21:36:00.000+08:00

woOHooo....i found myself today man~~hahaha....so happy...the cheerful...bhb...and crappy Fm is bacK~~....
really enoying the company of my fellow classmates....khim hong,fadli,peng you,barry,tau yong..zhicheng....all so crappy like me one...nice friends...

cOnfused week

2004-07-13T21:05:00.000+08:00

sad...depress....sianz....feeling so down since the start of sch...
everyone seems to be drifting away from me...practically...all my friends...
the gd friends i once knew, were like hi bye friends...........

i feel like punching each and every of them...to wake up... each of us isn't soft toys to others....dun treat me like dirt, i'm infact pretty weak down in my heart.i dun know how long i can endure with this..i'm going crazy.....it's just a matter of time...

can't believe it...i'm actually crying ....

shy me...

2004-07-12T19:58:00.000+08:00

wahaha...just found out dat i'm really really shy infront of gers...and i meant it~~wah kaoz...i was so hum and dun dare to speak up....aiyoz...like dat how to survive in SP...
ok nevermind, tonight have a gd rest, tomorrow i go bonkers....
life's a stuggle, full of troubles...but life goes on..

Question...

2004-07-12T01:33:00.000+08:00

hmm...went out with my bro and his friends..went fish hunting...got myself a new strain "coral red" with metal genes...the female gave birth while on the way home~haha...i expected it, from my decade plus of experience...this is so easy to spot one~ btw, i only bought the female ...a pair is at $30, i bought the female at $15.haha...a way to save money, cause the female was hit by the male already, so in a way i dun need the male anymore.Then went pasir ris park to makan dinner, hmm...food there isn't expensive...quite tasty also..maybe next time i jio my friends go also...

and..from the way most of the guys in poly behave infront of gals, they are definitely so different when they are with their male friends.well, they have to act just to please the gals?~~for goddness sake, can't you guys ever wake up?can't you guys be yourself?at least i am...i dun give a damn how the gers look at me, i just want to be comfortable and be myself.I dun go around gers watching, spotting which are the pretty ones and then ask for their nos...i find it...so disgusting...is it the looks dat are so important?
for me,CHaracters come first man.I hate gers who think dat they are damn chio(when they are not) .....or those who are super teh...or super bhb..or those who uses profanities...joking around is fine, but not overboard...

boring day....

2004-07-10T21:13:00.000+08:00

erhmmz....it's a sat today...didn't do much today...woke up at 12pm...i was too tired after playing bball for hrs at SP.parts of my body were still aching when i woke up..but i went to PPCC to play bball(aGaIn)...saw 1 pro which i really admired...3 pt shooter who hardly miss...ya...dat's not all.HE can HANG like NOBODY's business...and fake away jump shots with like 80% accuracy...and it's from baseline~~damn pro...i really pei fu...
as for me, didn't do well lah....i had gd postures but lousy finish...only score a few...den meet some juniors from SAS...wah...they damn pro liao...maybe i long time never play~~damn tired...played like 4 hrs there today...

haiz...why i'm i still thinking of melissa?did i play bball there just to try my luck if i can meet her again?or i was always trying to meet her at the court again...hoping her shots would rebounced and hit my head again...

or the feeling for claudia is just a moment...i feel dat she's not the one for me...
confused....

eND of the w33k~

2004-07-09T19:23:00.000+08:00

woohoo~~a week at poly...too many things to do, yet not enough time...
is time running out for me?perhaps it's everyone as we get older day by day.Making commitments towards relationships is probably the toughest thing i can ever handle.For friends, for family....it's never enough for me.If i'm given a wish,i just want some more time.
and...played bball from 2pm to 6pm...it was tiring yet satisfactory.FInally, i understand what the teachers have been preaching in sch...never never rest on your laurels.WHy?there's always someone better than you out there in this world.Always hone on your skills...
yeah....and...something i thought abt as i walked home from the mrt station.Although it was just a 5 mins walk, i found something we as humans should do.Always stretch out your helping hand to someone, even to someone you dun know.Yup, maybe dat's why i joined CSCC....to handle things in a calmer way, and learn to be observant and care for others.
It's high time for me study hard, coz i'm running out of time...

a n3w beGinnIng

2004-07-09T19:21:00.000+08:00

second day of poly...pretty fun...i enjoyed most of the lessons except ITOS...it's abit com hardware and software...the teacher made it boring, but she's a nice lady...haha. breaks inbetween lessons.got to know this cute ger in my class, name is claudia i think...haha...but she's so cUtEE~~~heard her using some %^&%&^ to jerome outside lecture hall i think...but she said she didn't(???)...haha...i will try to know her better first...to me, character is more important den anything.

....muhahaha.....hey..this does not mean i'm forgetting melissa ok.... :X

and just stoned and think thru some stuff.......friends...who are they?for company?for laughters?or when we need help?well...i think they are more than dat...they know you inside out, and remind you when you making mistakes.When i mean understand you, they are predict your actions when handling matters.
and friends are like plants, they need water,sunlight and minerals.And we as friends, we give each other these.Sunlight is laughter, water is help/company and minerals are the silly and stupid things we do together.Plants without sunlight,water,minerals will withered in no time.THis happened to me and yongxiang recently.Perhaps it was time tken by his gf bah.I'm never gd in relationships, as i have made many plants withered in my life.Of course i regretted not spending more time with them....
well maintained plants would eventually bloomed with flowers...i hope i could make as many flowers bloom beside me....

my bday~~

2004-07-04T22:18:00.000+08:00

hmm...nth much today too...went bballing with bendy,jerome and gang....but i'm pretty impress with myself...my shooting was so accurate...haha..what to do...shooter instinct....Opps..ibhb liao...den go eat lunch and go popular...after dat went home...

yeah~~made $120 today...from selling some guppies.Can cover my expenses yesterday when i went out with the 4SE Bballers...
quite fun lah...

milton...

2004-07-02T22:20:00.000+08:00

sighZ.....bday coming yet my bros are arguing...sad man....abt milton...haiz...
as they were toking abt him on msn...so much memories flashed back...like the days i fought with him...called him "curry mutton"..etc...haiz...dat was like 7 yrs ago...so long ago, yet it was just like yesterday...

life..

2004-07-02T21:57:00.000+08:00

erhm....suddenly these thoughts came to my mind....abt friends in life.
Friends...i classified them in 2 grps.Casual and close.CLose are the ones whom you can be friends for the life time, always doing the little things for each other.Casual are just the ones you can hang out with when you are lonely.You dun really know how's the character of casual friends.But close friends(brothers), really understand you well.even though we bickers and have some misunderstandings, we are together again after we are cooled down.Well...one can make lots of friends, but a brother is for a lifetime,casual friends are just for a moment.

my bRothERs lisTS
1)bendy
2)tanghoe
3)alvin
4)enoch
5)zhicong

the one-->melisSa

Poly life

2004-07-02T20:50:00.000+08:00

managed to experience poly life for the past few days....could feel that friends aren't easy to make.I mean friends dat are really going to be close.Casual friends are easy to make, but definitely not close ones.
back to business, played some games, listened to some talks..learned how to logged on to sch's webby...and bball everyday after sch...until 630pm~~woohoo...i'm so shagged for the past few days....haha...but enjoying...
sad thing is...i've been changed to class 03 to 02...haiz...missed the class man..

SP orientation prog for FRESHIES~~

2004-06-29T20:46:00.000+08:00

wooHooo~~ first day of sch in SP~~ my mood was damn gd today when i woke up!! pretty excited...but was really disappointed with SP in terms of their planning and management lvl of running the sch...etc.
1 unexpected matter was dat i was changed from 1A03 to 1A02 class w/o notifying me.haiz...now my timetable is so %^$%$^%..why??~~ 03 timetable had earlier dismissals, and compared with it to 02, which only had a day of early dismissal....
and their games...wasn't very nice~~i think it's probably due to my class mates...they gave up even b4 trying!!and they wanted the forfeits.....i was feeling so JACK when i saw them saying all those stuff...perhaps i'm too en2?
Overall, the new friends i made were pretty friendly lah...not bad...looking forward for more fun with them.and guess what?i was so blur during the class games ...like wacko~i got so blur after when i was caught more than 3 times...aiyoz...why i so weak... :X

hehe...this is yesterday's blog~

2004-06-29T20:37:00.000+08:00

hmmm...forgot to blog yesterday...so now i'm adding some info on it.Went to carrefour HR to collect my OT pay with tanghoe and alvin.well, didn't manage to receive the pay cause the woman in charge has forgotton abt it....so got to wait till friday for her news.
went "shopping" around suntec area.., supposingly to accompany tanghoe to shop...but he didn't buy any shoes not clothings.haha....instead he spent $18 on some "tikum" keychains.He wanted to get a pirate ship(1 piece cartoon), but he couldn't.hehe...bad luck huh?:P..as for me...i got the gundam character which i wanted in 1 TRY~~haha..thx to tanghoe for helping me.... :)
and...we went down to bishan cc to play bball....first game with braddell westlake pple, and we won lah.2nd match with the "old birds" there, was a sure lose match.Their skills and speed is far too much better....and i'm very pek chek with my skills.Firstly, i can't shoot .All my shots hit the rim and bounced back.Or it's a airball(haiz...sad case).But i did a very nice lay-up from the baseline and managed to contribute something....

tired day...

2004-06-26T22:29:00.000+08:00

something i can be proud of today~~managed to woke up early today without alarm clock nor my parent's wake up call~~went to play bball...and guess what?~~the guy dat's always late was the first there today~~haha...as usual, very angry with myself for making mistakes and bit performing.Guess i really need intensive bball training(alone) and gym visits.1 more thing~~went to watch "The BEst Bet" with my whole family~ can't believe my dad came along, cause i have never gone out with him to the mall for like 7 yrs~~happy but tiring day...

and i had a weird dream this morning....haha...i have tanghoe quarrelling with some opponent on the bball court.Then i intercepted to help tanghoe...den got whacked up by the gang...kaoz...what kind of dream was dat...~~~ :P

hmmm...day at alvin's house~

2004-06-25T01:26:00.001+08:00

yEah~~..went to alvin's house today...actually wanted to go to SP to submit my Jap course language form, but i was still unsure abt joining it.hmm...so went to alvin's house instead...play com,play ps2....ya...and alvin's new projector "TV" is so cool...i want to get one too...haha...^^
came home around 12am...and got ^%&^% from my dad~~well..i had one scolding b4 i left house today...and happened again when i reached home.i really sianz 1/2...

sad news is...i'm in a different classs with the rest of my friends who are in the same course as me...."sighz"...

yesterday news~

2004-06-21T23:22:00.000+08:00

erhm...this is for yesterday which i didn't have the chance to blog.yup....sunday was the last day of my grandpa's wake...i stay overnight at the wake, and waited for the rituals to start.Well, we sent him off to cremate..den we went to the temple to get ready for his urn and place in the temple.Temple's name was Wan Fuo Lin , somewhere near CHaiChee.Glad it was not some hill at the north side cause i could just take a train to the place.After dat, i went home to rest until 245pm.Then i returned to collect his ashes, then back to the temple again to put the ashes into the urn.yup...dat's how my day ended....not in a gd mood to write, probably go play bball to relieve stress...

fiRst dAy aT wAk3

2004-06-19T02:09:00.000+08:00

yup, today is the first day of my grandpa's wake.Got down to SIngapore Casket around 5 plus...ya...saw his body lying there in the coffin.I almost cried, but i stopped myself.No point crying infront of my grandpa.Well, spent the rest of the day burning joss paper and sticks for him.AT least this is something which i can do for him before i can't really c him again in real life.SO i kept burning those things for him, from 5pm to 11pm plus, with some water-breaks inbetween.got myself some burns in the process.
i'm not trying to be superstitious, but the elders of the family said the more things you do for him, you would have greater bless from him too.oF cour3e i didn't really believed in dat, but i'm really sincerely wishing my grandpa to have a peaceful rest in h3aven~

bAd dAy to sTart oFf...

2004-06-18T01:01:00.000+08:00

erhmm...this is my first time posting abt me on my blog,so still not very used to it.
ok...basically, today was not a very happy day.My grandpa passed away peacefully in SGH around 7:35pm .Strange, i did not drop a single tear for him.Instead, i was happy for him.WHy?This ended his suffering for him.Perhaps you might not know, he could not talk,see,hear for the past 1 week.Everyday for him was just purely sighing from him in pain.I cried whenever i visit him, but not today.Yup,dat's abt it today...getting sleepy..*yAwNz

my first bloG~

2004-06-14T16:10:00.000+08:00

hey hey~~~just created my blog with my buddy, Alvin.Guess what?we created this in a cyber-cafe...rich right?haha....well...the money is worth the time we had there...